Friday Afternoon Toilet Adventure

This afternoon I had an actual adventure round the office building when I needed my daily dirt.

I always nip down to the downstairs toilet to spend my penny as I feel by doing that, I am being more considerate to my colleagues.

There are two toilets upstairs and two toilets downstairs. I am not actually sure but I don't think that the downstairs toilets are for my use. I think that they are meant to be used solely by the training centre staff.

The training centre's staff diets are horrific. They seem to live on a staple of caramel shortcake, pot noodles and onion bhajis from the corner shop. This often leads to my favourite downstairs toilet being left in a less than hygienic state.

So on entry to my commode of choice this afternoon, I was met with a perfectly formed floating pellet of faeces about the size of a large marble, happily bobbing around in the toilet water. Unperturbed, I downed my slacks and sat myself on the pan.

Luckily, I turned to my left and I saw that there was a distinct lack of toilet roll. Slacks were hauled back up and I decided to chance my arm and pinch some shit tickets from the other downstairs toilet. This is a risky business as the second toilet is in distinct visibility through the glass door of the training centre. Given that I am 6'7' and 18stone, sneaking around buildings probably isn't my forte but I breached the second toilet without raising the alarm.

There was no toilet roll in the second commode either. This meant I would I have to go back upstairs to procure some Charmin from the office store cupboard. This is exactly what I did. My colleagues saw me sheepishly retreating back downstairs clutching said Charmin, knowing 100% that I was going downstairs for a dirt.

All clouds have a silver lining however and I produced a fantastic three part log that required only one wipe.

I am now back in the office, at my desk, typing this out, proud as punch.