Yesterday was fucking rubbish. All day long was fucking absolutely shite.
Cycled to work and it took me longer than usual due to traffic, road works, the sequence of traffic lights etc.
I brought some tasty smoked fish for my breakfast which I microwaved when I got to work. The smell of fish was then throughout the whole office and my colleagues gave me grief about it all morning.
Work wise, it was a shocking morning. Things going wrong all over the place that needed sorted allied to absolute imbeciles phoning me up and wasting my time.
Lunch, one of the only parts of the day that I actually look forward to, was a complete write off. I bought a baked potato with coronation chicken as one of my colleagues recommended the new blend of coronation chicken at the shop.
Feeling hungry and enthused at the thought of tasty coronation chicken on a steaming hot buttery tattie, I opened the box and it looked like someone had vomited on the top of my potato. Really runny paste with funny chunks, raisins and mango in it. It tasted ok but the sight of it almost made me chuck it away instantly.
It wasn't very filling either.
The afternoon was spent fielding more phone calls from muppets and then there was rugby training.
The head coach was back to 100% of his stupid and useless forces and decided to celebrate his return to full strength by shouting a load of absolute nonsense at us. It was so ridiculous, that I was going to start making donkey noises during his rant. Maybe next time.
Then later on in training I staved my thumb particularly badly which was rather sore. It was also particularly sore gripping the handle bars whilst cycling over Edinburgh's cobbled streets on my way home.
On getting home, I had two pieces of mail, a fucking bill and a rejection letter.
What a shit day.
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Weekend
Friday night I was straight home on the bike. My new bike is great - thanks for asking! It's a larger frame so it is easier for me to haul my carcass around the streets of Edinburgh.
I watched the film - The Firm - on Friday night. I quite enjoyed it - groups of football hooligans knocking lumps out of each other all the while speaking in unrecognisable east London slang.
I still don't know what the following phrases mean (all of them were used in a derisory manner);
Dry Lunch
Ice Cream
Strawberry Mivvi
Melt
I liked Dom's relationship with his mum and dad too - that was pretty funny.
On Saturday morning, me and wor burd went round some of Edinburgh's buildings on their Doors Open Day. We started at Starbucks (!) and then went to Drumsheugh Baths where I used to go as a kid, Drumsheugh Toll, The French Institute and St Bernard's Well.
All of the places were very interesting.
We then cycled along the Water of Leith Walkway and through Stockbridge and Inverleith to Goldenacre where I was due to take on the filthy Nails.
I had a foul dirt in the Nails bogs and then we went out and put their previously unbeaten 2nd XV to the sword, 16-15.
Unfortunately, our 1st XV got beaten by the dirty filthy nails and it was frustrating to watch at times.
Nonetheless, it was a nice day to watch rugby and shoot the breeze with friends, family, team mates etc.
Me and the lass then cycled home through Inverleith Park and I decided to have some pals round for beers, rum and spaghetti bolognaise before heading to Potterrow.
Potterrow is one of the University of Edinburgh's student unions. I graduated from Edinburgh in 2002 and I am now 30 years old so I felt a bit old but it was good fun.
The funniest thing was seeing a certain young prop forward at the rugby club who was dressed to the nines in his g-star jeans and designer t-shirt, trying to impress the young girls but instead falling down the stairs on his way out.
However, it was revealed that the same young prop forward managed to lure a girl nicknamed the 'Honey Monster' back to his flat. Even funnier though, was the fact that he shagged her bareback in the Dancing Bear's bed!
Good work all round.
I watched the film - The Firm - on Friday night. I quite enjoyed it - groups of football hooligans knocking lumps out of each other all the while speaking in unrecognisable east London slang.
I still don't know what the following phrases mean (all of them were used in a derisory manner);
Dry Lunch
Ice Cream
Strawberry Mivvi
Melt
I liked Dom's relationship with his mum and dad too - that was pretty funny.
On Saturday morning, me and wor burd went round some of Edinburgh's buildings on their Doors Open Day. We started at Starbucks (!) and then went to Drumsheugh Baths where I used to go as a kid, Drumsheugh Toll, The French Institute and St Bernard's Well.
All of the places were very interesting.
We then cycled along the Water of Leith Walkway and through Stockbridge and Inverleith to Goldenacre where I was due to take on the filthy Nails.
I had a foul dirt in the Nails bogs and then we went out and put their previously unbeaten 2nd XV to the sword, 16-15.
Unfortunately, our 1st XV got beaten by the dirty filthy nails and it was frustrating to watch at times.
Nonetheless, it was a nice day to watch rugby and shoot the breeze with friends, family, team mates etc.
Me and the lass then cycled home through Inverleith Park and I decided to have some pals round for beers, rum and spaghetti bolognaise before heading to Potterrow.
Potterrow is one of the University of Edinburgh's student unions. I graduated from Edinburgh in 2002 and I am now 30 years old so I felt a bit old but it was good fun.
The funniest thing was seeing a certain young prop forward at the rugby club who was dressed to the nines in his g-star jeans and designer t-shirt, trying to impress the young girls but instead falling down the stairs on his way out.
However, it was revealed that the same young prop forward managed to lure a girl nicknamed the 'Honey Monster' back to his flat. Even funnier though, was the fact that he shagged her bareback in the Dancing Bear's bed!
Good work all round.
Friday, 25 September 2009
Doors Open Day
This weekend in Edinburgh, the Cockburn Association is running the Doors Open Day.
This is when normally 'closed to the public' buildings open their doors to allow you to have a look around.
I am keen on checking out a number of different buildings in Edinburgh and I look forward to telling you how I get on!
http://www.cockburnassociation.org.uk/default.asp?page=33
This is when normally 'closed to the public' buildings open their doors to allow you to have a look around.
I am keen on checking out a number of different buildings in Edinburgh and I look forward to telling you how I get on!
http://www.cockburnassociation.org.uk/default.asp?page=33
Rugby
This week the top teams at the club are taking on Heriots at their home ground, Goldenacre.
Goldenacre is perhaps a fifteen minute walk from our pitches so between them and Stewarts Melville, they are our closest rivals.
They are certainly our most despised rivals and probably the most despised club in Edinburgh.
They have never been relegated from the top division although they are struggling at the moment.
Heriots are often referred to as the Nails. Depending on who you speak to, this is because Heriots are as hard as nails or the more commonly belief, that Heriots are lower than toe nails.
In rugby matches and in Edinburgh pubs there have been a number of incidents between ourselves and the Nails, so tomorrow will no doubt be particularly interesting.
I have no doubt that the results will go firmly in our favour.
Goldenacre is perhaps a fifteen minute walk from our pitches so between them and Stewarts Melville, they are our closest rivals.
They are certainly our most despised rivals and probably the most despised club in Edinburgh.
They have never been relegated from the top division although they are struggling at the moment.
Heriots are often referred to as the Nails. Depending on who you speak to, this is because Heriots are as hard as nails or the more commonly belief, that Heriots are lower than toe nails.
In rugby matches and in Edinburgh pubs there have been a number of incidents between ourselves and the Nails, so tomorrow will no doubt be particularly interesting.
I have no doubt that the results will go firmly in our favour.
Pink Sock
Another cracker from the Urban Dictionary - http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pink+sock
I originally went on looking for the definition of a 'wet lunch' but it wasn't the definition I thought it would be.
I originally went on looking for the definition of a 'wet lunch' but it wasn't the definition I thought it would be.
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Weekend
We lost the big game at the weekend having got ourselves into a position where we could have won.
Winning 18 - 13 with less than a quarter of the game remaining, Ayr then managed to score two tries to win 18 - 25.
The referee for the game was one of those refereees who is consistently awful but somehow his decisions are always inconsistent during the same match, if that makes sense.
There were some excellent performances in our team - numbers 3,4,5 and 6 in the forwards and numbers 13 and 15 in the backs.
Match reports are here;
http://www.edinburghaccies.com/
http://www.ayrrugbyclub.co.uk/
http://sport.scotsman.com/rugby/Rugby-Barnes-has-words-of.5664205.jp
http://sport.scotsman.com/rugby/Accies-18--25-Ayr.5663609.jp
Video here;
http://sport.scotsman.com/rugby/Rugby-video-Edinburgh-Accies-v.5665739.jp
Updated League table here;
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/rugby_union/tables/4777199.stm
I also got my new bike at the weekend - a Trek 7200 - the only 25" frame left in the country so I'm told.
I gave her the debut ride this morning and she didn't disappoint me. She is a slick black bitch.
I am thinking about customising the paintwork on the frame. Details to follow.
Saturday night - number 13 above hosted a flatwarming - the West Ferryfield Wii Olympics - it was great fun competing in different events on the Wii - an excellent addition to drinking in a flat.
There was a fair amount of rum knocking about and I was quite happy knocking back large Mount Gay and fiery ginger beers all night.
If TD fell into a bucket of nipples though, he would come out sucking his thumb. Hard luck mate.
Winning 18 - 13 with less than a quarter of the game remaining, Ayr then managed to score two tries to win 18 - 25.
The referee for the game was one of those refereees who is consistently awful but somehow his decisions are always inconsistent during the same match, if that makes sense.
There were some excellent performances in our team - numbers 3,4,5 and 6 in the forwards and numbers 13 and 15 in the backs.
Match reports are here;
http://www.edinburghaccies.com/
http://www.ayrrugbyclub.co.uk/
http://sport.scotsman.com/rugby/Rugby-Barnes-has-words-of.5664205.jp
http://sport.scotsman.com/rugby/Accies-18--25-Ayr.5663609.jp
Video here;
http://sport.scotsman.com/rugby/Rugby-video-Edinburgh-Accies-v.5665739.jp
Updated League table here;
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/rugby_union/tables/4777199.stm
I also got my new bike at the weekend - a Trek 7200 - the only 25" frame left in the country so I'm told.
I gave her the debut ride this morning and she didn't disappoint me. She is a slick black bitch.
I am thinking about customising the paintwork on the frame. Details to follow.
Saturday night - number 13 above hosted a flatwarming - the West Ferryfield Wii Olympics - it was great fun competing in different events on the Wii - an excellent addition to drinking in a flat.
There was a fair amount of rum knocking about and I was quite happy knocking back large Mount Gay and fiery ginger beers all night.
If TD fell into a bucket of nipples though, he would come out sucking his thumb. Hard luck mate.
Friday, 18 September 2009
Rugby
Big game tomorrow folks.
Edinburgh Academicals v Ayr
Top of the table clash - http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/rugby_union/tables/4777199.stm
I'm on the bench and I'm nervous and excited already.
Edinburgh Academicals v Ayr
Top of the table clash - http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/rugby_union/tables/4777199.stm
I'm on the bench and I'm nervous and excited already.
Thursday, 17 September 2009
World's Tallest Man
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/8259728.stm
Wow.
I want to know his response to people going 'you are so tall'.
Your observation skills are magnificent.
Well done for having a pair of eyes that work.
Wow.
I want to know his response to people going 'you are so tall'.
Your observation skills are magnificent.
Well done for having a pair of eyes that work.
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
Work
I’m getting paid for;
A) doing absolutely no work
B) surfing the net looking for new jobs
C) abusing the company electronic mail policy
D) drinking free tea and coffee
A) doing absolutely no work
B) surfing the net looking for new jobs
C) abusing the company electronic mail policy
D) drinking free tea and coffee
Work
My lychee tree has died / isn't growing and I am totally bored at work. Nothing excites me here anymore apart from lunchtime and 5.30pm every day and the weekend.
I'm getting close to the edge.
I am looking for a new job - let me know if you know of any opportunities.
I'm getting close to the edge.
I am looking for a new job - let me know if you know of any opportunities.
Friday, 11 September 2009
Friday Afternoon Toilet Adventure
This afternoon I had an actual adventure round the office building when I needed my daily dirt.
I always nip down to the downstairs toilet to spend my penny as I feel by doing that, I am being more considerate to my colleagues.
There are two toilets upstairs and two toilets downstairs. I am not actually sure but I don't think that the downstairs toilets are for my use. I think that they are meant to be used solely by the training centre staff.
The training centre's staff diets are horrific. They seem to live on a staple of caramel shortcake, pot noodles and onion bhajis from the corner shop. This often leads to my favourite downstairs toilet being left in a less than hygienic state.
So on entry to my commode of choice this afternoon, I was met with a perfectly formed floating pellet of faeces about the size of a large marble, happily bobbing around in the toilet water. Unperturbed, I downed my slacks and sat myself on the pan.
Luckily, I turned to my left and I saw that there was a distinct lack of toilet roll. Slacks were hauled back up and I decided to chance my arm and pinch some shit tickets from the other downstairs toilet. This is a risky business as the second toilet is in distinct visibility through the glass door of the training centre. Given that I am 6'7' and 18stone, sneaking around buildings probably isn't my forte but I breached the second toilet without raising the alarm.
There was no toilet roll in the second commode either. This meant I would I have to go back upstairs to procure some Charmin from the office store cupboard. This is exactly what I did. My colleagues saw me sheepishly retreating back downstairs clutching said Charmin, knowing 100% that I was going downstairs for a dirt.
All clouds have a silver lining however and I produced a fantastic three part log that required only one wipe.
I am now back in the office, at my desk, typing this out, proud as punch.
I always nip down to the downstairs toilet to spend my penny as I feel by doing that, I am being more considerate to my colleagues.
There are two toilets upstairs and two toilets downstairs. I am not actually sure but I don't think that the downstairs toilets are for my use. I think that they are meant to be used solely by the training centre staff.
The training centre's staff diets are horrific. They seem to live on a staple of caramel shortcake, pot noodles and onion bhajis from the corner shop. This often leads to my favourite downstairs toilet being left in a less than hygienic state.
So on entry to my commode of choice this afternoon, I was met with a perfectly formed floating pellet of faeces about the size of a large marble, happily bobbing around in the toilet water. Unperturbed, I downed my slacks and sat myself on the pan.
Luckily, I turned to my left and I saw that there was a distinct lack of toilet roll. Slacks were hauled back up and I decided to chance my arm and pinch some shit tickets from the other downstairs toilet. This is a risky business as the second toilet is in distinct visibility through the glass door of the training centre. Given that I am 6'7' and 18stone, sneaking around buildings probably isn't my forte but I breached the second toilet without raising the alarm.
There was no toilet roll in the second commode either. This meant I would I have to go back upstairs to procure some Charmin from the office store cupboard. This is exactly what I did. My colleagues saw me sheepishly retreating back downstairs clutching said Charmin, knowing 100% that I was going downstairs for a dirt.
All clouds have a silver lining however and I produced a fantastic three part log that required only one wipe.
I am now back in the office, at my desk, typing this out, proud as punch.
Thursday, 10 September 2009
Talking Shit
Some people talk shit literally - http://www.poopreport.com/Doctor/Knowledgebase/fecal_vomiting.html - one of my friends actually suffered from the condition on his return from an expedition in Nepal. Not nice.
If you are at all interested in faeces then you may want to consider this particular website - http://www.poopreport.com/index.html
One of my favourite stories is 'In some parts of India, courtship begins with a toilet'.
Then there is this - 'the shit of my career' - http://www.poopreport.com/Techniques/Content/Career/career.html
An excellent website I'm sure you will agree.
If you are at all interested in faeces then you may want to consider this particular website - http://www.poopreport.com/index.html
One of my favourite stories is 'In some parts of India, courtship begins with a toilet'.
Then there is this - 'the shit of my career' - http://www.poopreport.com/Techniques/Content/Career/career.html
An excellent website I'm sure you will agree.
Rugby
A good start to the campaign for the lads -
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/rugby_union/tables/4777199.stm
Nae luck for the nails though! Era Goldie jungle, pints o dung, aye rare...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/rugby_union/tables/4777199.stm
Nae luck for the nails though! Era Goldie jungle, pints o dung, aye rare...
Cinema
Recent trips to the cinema have included Inglourious Basterds, District 9 and (500) Days of Summer. My in-depth reviews follow below;
Inglourious Basterds - excellent
District 9 - excellent
(500) Days of Summer - shite
Inglourious Basterds - excellent
District 9 - excellent
(500) Days of Summer - shite
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
Friday, 4 September 2009
Chronic
I don't smoke weed. I have tried a few times and all it makes me do is completely lose control of my legs and then vomit on myself.
A few of you may remember the "that's the legs gone" quote circa 2006.
Anyway, I found this and I quite liked it - especially for all you weed smoking IT / pay as you go mobile phone dudes out there -
You are running low on chronic please arrange a top up. To get in contact with your dealer press the hash key.
A few of you may remember the "that's the legs gone" quote circa 2006.
Anyway, I found this and I quite liked it - especially for all you weed smoking IT / pay as you go mobile phone dudes out there -
You are running low on chronic please arrange a top up. To get in contact with your dealer press the hash key.
Psychic Rugby Coaches
I find psychic rugby coaches very amusing.
For example, last night at training there were a number of handling errors due to the inclement weather conditions making the ball as slippery as an eel coated in WD-40.
After the fourth or fifth error, so-called psychic coach announces;
"You had better get used to it lads, this is what it will be like on Saturday."
How the fuck do you know - are you God?
For example, last night at training there were a number of handling errors due to the inclement weather conditions making the ball as slippery as an eel coated in WD-40.
After the fourth or fifth error, so-called psychic coach announces;
"You had better get used to it lads, this is what it will be like on Saturday."
How the fuck do you know - are you God?
Thursday, 3 September 2009
Lunch
What a lunch!
I just popped along to Caffe Latte and fired right in about a pastrami, mozzarella and red onion baguette, some lentil soup, a pear danish and a moccachino.
Every item was absolutely delicious and I have started the clock to see what time the super strong double espresso in the moccachino starts to play havoc on my large intestine.
I just popped along to Caffe Latte and fired right in about a pastrami, mozzarella and red onion baguette, some lentil soup, a pear danish and a moccachino.
Every item was absolutely delicious and I have started the clock to see what time the super strong double espresso in the moccachino starts to play havoc on my large intestine.
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Rugby
As my back has been better I played rugby last weekend for the 2nd team against our local rivals, Stewarts Melville FP, sometimes referred to as the 'Smellies'.
The 2nd team were hopeless and we lost 37-12.
Our 1st team won 39-21 and after one game, sit proudly in second in the Premier Division 1 league table.
The 3rd team also won 22-19 so overall the club can't complain.
After the matches it was up to the Caledonian Brewery for unlimited pints and a curry buffet - http://www.caledonian-brewery.co.uk/ - it was awesome and I can't remember too much about the evening but more to come on this later.
The 2nd team were hopeless and we lost 37-12.
Our 1st team won 39-21 and after one game, sit proudly in second in the Premier Division 1 league table.
The 3rd team also won 22-19 so overall the club can't complain.
After the matches it was up to the Caledonian Brewery for unlimited pints and a curry buffet - http://www.caledonian-brewery.co.uk/ - it was awesome and I can't remember too much about the evening but more to come on this later.
Back
My back is getting better thanks to;
http://www.spaceclinics.co.uk/index.htm
http://www.wightchiropracticclinic.co.uk/
It's still not 100% right but I have been able to play rugby and participate in training which is better than where I was a couple of weeks ago.
http://www.spaceclinics.co.uk/index.htm
http://www.wightchiropracticclinic.co.uk/
It's still not 100% right but I have been able to play rugby and participate in training which is better than where I was a couple of weeks ago.
America
I have booked a trip to the US of A for me and the lass. We are going to Florida, Pennsylvannia and New York and I must say I am really looking forward to it.
I have bought the guidebooks and the itinerary is getting planned.
I am especially looking forward to NYC so here it is from Brooklyn's Finest - Jay-Z
"Big Pimpin' (Extended)"(feat. U.G.K.)[Jay-Z]Uhh, uh uh uhIt's big pimpin baby..It's big pimpin, spendin G'sFeel me.. uh-huh uhh, uh-huh..Ge-ge-geyeah, geyeahGe-ge-geyeah, geyeah..You know I - thug em, fuck em, love em, leave emCause I don't fuckin need emTake em out the hood, keep em lookin goodBut I don't fuckin feed emFirst time they fuss I'm breezinTalkin bout, "What's the reasons?"I'm a pimp in every sense of the word, bitchBetter trust than believe emIn the cut where I keep emtil I need a nut, til I need to beat the gutsThen it's, beep beep and I'm pickin em upLet em play with the dick in the truckMany chicks wanna put Jigga fist in cuffsDivorce him and split his bucksJust because you got good head, I'ma break breadso you can be livin it up? Shit I..parts with nothin, y'all be frontinMe give my heart to a woman?Not for nothin, never happenI'll be forever mackinHeart cold as assassins, I got no passionI got no patienceAnd I hate waitin..Hoe get yo' ass inAnd let's RI-I-I-I-I-IDE.. check em out nowRI-I-I-I-I-IDE, yeahAnd let's RI-I-I-I-I-IDE.. check em out nowRI-I-I-I-I-IDE, yeah[Chorus One: Jay-Z]We doin.. big pimpin, we spendin cheeseCheck em out nowBig pimpin, on B.L.A.D.'sWe doin.. big pimpin up in N.Y.C.It's just that Jigga Man, Pimp C, and B-U-N BYo yo yo.. big pimpin, spendin cheeseWe doin - big pimpin, on B.L.A.D.'sWe doin.. big pimpin up in N.Y.C.It's just that Jigga Man, Pimp C, and B-U-N B[Bun B]Nigga it's the - big Southern rap impresarioComin straight up out the black bar-rioMakes a mill' up off a sorry hoeThen sit back and peep my sce-nawr-e-ohOops, my bad, that's my scenarioNo I can't fuck a scary hoeNow every time, every place, everywhere we goHoes start pointin - they say, "There he go!"Now these motherfuckers know we carry mo' heat than a little bitWe don't pull it out over little shitAnd if you catch a lick when I spit, then it won't be a little hitGo read a book you illiterate son of a bitch and step up yo' vocabDon't be surprised if yo' hoe stab out with meand you see us comin down on yo' slabLivin ghetto-fabulous, so mad, you just can't take itBut nigga if you hatin Ithen you wait while I get yo' bitch butt-naked, just break itYou gotta pay like you weigh wet wit two pairs of clothes onNow get yo' ass to the back as I'm flyin to the track Timbaland let me spit my pro's onPump it up in the pro-zoneThat's the track that we breakin these hoes onAin't the track that we flow's onBut when shit get hot, then the glock start poppin like ozoneWe keep hoes crunk like Trigger-manFo' real it don't get no bigger manDon't trip, let's flip, gettin throwed on the flipGettin blowed with the motherfuckin Jigga Man, fool[Chorus Two: Bun B]We be.. big pimpin, spendin cheeseWe be.. big pimpin, on B.L.A.D.'sWe be.. big pimpin down in P.A.T.It's just that Jigga Man, Pimp C, and B-U-N BCause we be.. big pimpin, spendin cheeseAnd we be.. big pimpin, on B.L.A.D.'sCause we be.. big pimpin in P.A.T.It's just that Jigga Man, Pimp C, and B-U-N B.. nigga[Pimp C]Uhh.. smokin out, throwin up, keepin lean up in my cupAll my car got leather and wood, in my hood we call it buckEverybody wanna ball, holla at broads at the mallIf he up, watch him fall, nigga I can't fuck witch'allIf I wasn't rappin baby, I would still be ridin MercedesChromin shinin sippin daily, no rest until whitey pay meUhhh, now what y'all know bout them Texas boysComin down in candied toys, smokin weed and talkin noise[Chorus Two][Jay-Z]On a canopy my stamina be enough for Pamela Anderson LeeMTV jam of the week Made my money quick then back to the streets butStill sittin on blades... sippin that ray...Standin on the corner of my block hustlinStill gettin that canehalf what I paid slippin right through customsIt'll sell by night its extra white...I got so many grams if the man find out it will land me in jail for life But im still big pimpin spendin chesse with B.U.N. B, Pimp C, and TimothyWe got bitches in the back of the truck, laughin it upJigga Man that's what's up
I have bought the guidebooks and the itinerary is getting planned.
I am especially looking forward to NYC so here it is from Brooklyn's Finest - Jay-Z
"Big Pimpin' (Extended)"(feat. U.G.K.)[Jay-Z]Uhh, uh uh uhIt's big pimpin baby..It's big pimpin, spendin G'sFeel me.. uh-huh uhh, uh-huh..Ge-ge-geyeah, geyeahGe-ge-geyeah, geyeah..You know I - thug em, fuck em, love em, leave emCause I don't fuckin need emTake em out the hood, keep em lookin goodBut I don't fuckin feed emFirst time they fuss I'm breezinTalkin bout, "What's the reasons?"I'm a pimp in every sense of the word, bitchBetter trust than believe emIn the cut where I keep emtil I need a nut, til I need to beat the gutsThen it's, beep beep and I'm pickin em upLet em play with the dick in the truckMany chicks wanna put Jigga fist in cuffsDivorce him and split his bucksJust because you got good head, I'ma break breadso you can be livin it up? Shit I..parts with nothin, y'all be frontinMe give my heart to a woman?Not for nothin, never happenI'll be forever mackinHeart cold as assassins, I got no passionI got no patienceAnd I hate waitin..Hoe get yo' ass inAnd let's RI-I-I-I-I-IDE.. check em out nowRI-I-I-I-I-IDE, yeahAnd let's RI-I-I-I-I-IDE.. check em out nowRI-I-I-I-I-IDE, yeah[Chorus One: Jay-Z]We doin.. big pimpin, we spendin cheeseCheck em out nowBig pimpin, on B.L.A.D.'sWe doin.. big pimpin up in N.Y.C.It's just that Jigga Man, Pimp C, and B-U-N BYo yo yo.. big pimpin, spendin cheeseWe doin - big pimpin, on B.L.A.D.'sWe doin.. big pimpin up in N.Y.C.It's just that Jigga Man, Pimp C, and B-U-N B[Bun B]Nigga it's the - big Southern rap impresarioComin straight up out the black bar-rioMakes a mill' up off a sorry hoeThen sit back and peep my sce-nawr-e-ohOops, my bad, that's my scenarioNo I can't fuck a scary hoeNow every time, every place, everywhere we goHoes start pointin - they say, "There he go!"Now these motherfuckers know we carry mo' heat than a little bitWe don't pull it out over little shitAnd if you catch a lick when I spit, then it won't be a little hitGo read a book you illiterate son of a bitch and step up yo' vocabDon't be surprised if yo' hoe stab out with meand you see us comin down on yo' slabLivin ghetto-fabulous, so mad, you just can't take itBut nigga if you hatin Ithen you wait while I get yo' bitch butt-naked, just break itYou gotta pay like you weigh wet wit two pairs of clothes onNow get yo' ass to the back as I'm flyin to the track Timbaland let me spit my pro's onPump it up in the pro-zoneThat's the track that we breakin these hoes onAin't the track that we flow's onBut when shit get hot, then the glock start poppin like ozoneWe keep hoes crunk like Trigger-manFo' real it don't get no bigger manDon't trip, let's flip, gettin throwed on the flipGettin blowed with the motherfuckin Jigga Man, fool[Chorus Two: Bun B]We be.. big pimpin, spendin cheeseWe be.. big pimpin, on B.L.A.D.'sWe be.. big pimpin down in P.A.T.It's just that Jigga Man, Pimp C, and B-U-N BCause we be.. big pimpin, spendin cheeseAnd we be.. big pimpin, on B.L.A.D.'sCause we be.. big pimpin in P.A.T.It's just that Jigga Man, Pimp C, and B-U-N B.. nigga[Pimp C]Uhh.. smokin out, throwin up, keepin lean up in my cupAll my car got leather and wood, in my hood we call it buckEverybody wanna ball, holla at broads at the mallIf he up, watch him fall, nigga I can't fuck witch'allIf I wasn't rappin baby, I would still be ridin MercedesChromin shinin sippin daily, no rest until whitey pay meUhhh, now what y'all know bout them Texas boysComin down in candied toys, smokin weed and talkin noise[Chorus Two][Jay-Z]On a canopy my stamina be enough for Pamela Anderson LeeMTV jam of the week Made my money quick then back to the streets butStill sittin on blades... sippin that ray...Standin on the corner of my block hustlinStill gettin that canehalf what I paid slippin right through customsIt'll sell by night its extra white...I got so many grams if the man find out it will land me in jail for life But im still big pimpin spendin chesse with B.U.N. B, Pimp C, and TimothyWe got bitches in the back of the truck, laughin it upJigga Man that's what's up
Blisters
I've got four different blisters on my feet at the moment from different shoes and activities.
They are agony and don't appear to be getting any fucking better. All I am putting on them is Savlon which doesn't seem to be doing anything.
People keep telling me to use Compeed. Shut the fuck up. Compeed are to prevent blisters you arseholes.
I already have blisters - four of the fuckers - and i want them healed now.
They are agony and don't appear to be getting any fucking better. All I am putting on them is Savlon which doesn't seem to be doing anything.
People keep telling me to use Compeed. Shut the fuck up. Compeed are to prevent blisters you arseholes.
I already have blisters - four of the fuckers - and i want them healed now.
Update
Yeah I'm still alive!
Even after an almighty piss up in a brewery last weekend.
Lots of news to come so I will try and catch up best I can.
Stomper has now left - fucking hallelujah. I went to her leaving do and she once again proved what an annoying cunt she was by getting slightly pished and talking absolute shite at an unbearable volume.
FUCK OFF
We went to Bells Diner and then the Baillie for her leaving do - thankfully two of my favourite places in Edinburgh and within a carefully aimed queef of each other.
Even after an almighty piss up in a brewery last weekend.
Lots of news to come so I will try and catch up best I can.
Stomper has now left - fucking hallelujah. I went to her leaving do and she once again proved what an annoying cunt she was by getting slightly pished and talking absolute shite at an unbearable volume.
FUCK OFF
We went to Bells Diner and then the Baillie for her leaving do - thankfully two of my favourite places in Edinburgh and within a carefully aimed queef of each other.
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